Faith & Purpose

Speaker 4: Welcome everyone
to Faith and Purpose podcast.

Each episode of this podcast contains the
personal testimony of an ordinary person

transformed by an extraordinary God.

My name is Kaylin and I'm
here to introduce this podcast

for my friend Jesse Duke.

Jesse is a husband, father, author,
life recovery guide, lay counselor,

and small group leader, but his
most important role is disciple.

As a disciple of Jesus.

Jesse created this podcast to help other
believers tell their faith stories.

We'll be hearing the personal
testimonies of all sorts of people

who have one thing in common,
Jesus has transformed their lives.

Jesus used parables because he created
us to learn best through story.

And as we listen to how God has worked
in others lives, we find encouragement

and inspiration for our own faith walk.

Whether you are already a believer or
just a curious seeker, we believe that

as you listen to these stories, you will
be encouraged on your own faith journey.

We are sure that God can speak to you
through one of these episodes and that you

will see that our Heavenly Father truly
works all things together for our good.

When we simply love and trust him.

If you are currently going through a
trial, we believe that you will come

to see that your troubles, heartbreaks,
and failures are not gravestones, but

stepping stones into new life in Christ.

Here's Jesse with today's guest.

Okay.

Welcome everybody to
faith and purpose podcast.

I'm very happy today.

Have a new friend, Lisa
Palmieri to tell her story.

And I know you're going to get a
lot out of it, so let's get to it.

How are you doing Lisa?

Jesse: Okay

Thank you for having me on this podcast.

I'm very humbled to be here.

Lisa: tell us how the Lord's been
dealing with you in your life.

Jesse: Okay.

I guess the best place to
start is the beginning.

And, and we always had a sign in our
kitchen all the years growing up that

the best way to begin is to start.

So I'm going to start.

I was, I was, born in, Okinawa.

My dad was in the service.

I was born, to.

Two Italian parents, very Italian.

My, my mom, I have an older brother
who was 11 years older than me.

So I prayed for many years.

so it was, I was thought of as a
miracle, to my mom and dad when I, they

found out that they were pregnant with
me, my birth was somewhat traumatic.

my mom almost died and so did I, and,
looking back, I suppose that was the hand

of the enemy from the beginning, but,
we survived, and I had a younger sister,

so my mom had another baby a year later.

And we moved to Las Vegas, Nevada,
when I was four and I, had, another

brother who was born in Las Vegas.

So my mom had three of us, as an
older woman at the time, she was 40

when she had my younger brother and
my dad was still in the service.

And, I grew up, Roman Catholic,
so very Catholic parents.

and so I remember on the base, even back
in that time frame, getting on a blue bus,

going to church with my older brother.

my mom didn't take me, but he did.

And, vague memories of
that, but I do remember it.

And, In 1969, my dad, decided he was
not staying in the service because they

were going to deploy him to Vietnam.

And because he had young children, he made
a decision that it was time to retire.

As a senior master sergeant in the
Air Force, so it was a decision was

made to move back to Massachusetts
where they were both from, and to be

with family, especially for my mom
to help her with the younger kids,

so we moved back to Massachusetts
and so my first real experience with.

I'm going to say religion because
it really wasn't with Jesus.

It was more religious, was in first grade.

I went to a Catholic school, went to
Catholic schools, in my early youth.

But as a young girl, going
to Catholic school, formed.

I'm going to say my, what I thought
was who God was and who Jesus was and

really the Holy Spirit was somebody
that was referred to as the Holy

Ghost and never really talked about.

And so God, was someone to fear.

So my image of God as a young
child was someone that I feared.

And so because I was taught, early
on that, God was looking at me and he

was seeing all the things I did wrong.

and I was taught by nuns.

And so in that, back in that time, the
nuns could hit you and the nuns could,

I remember getting our knuckles slapped
with a stick and it was just a, it was

just a different way of understanding God.

But I was a very holy little girl at
the time, very much, knew what sin

was, knew what the right and wrong was.

And I was always very hyper vigilant that
I didn't do anything to upset God because

I didn't want the black spot on, I was
told that black spots would go on my soul.

And because God looked at those spots.

And so I, as a little girl,
didn't want any spots on my soul.

and when you look back, when I look
back and I, as I teach now, I realized

how horrendous that was of a teaching
for a young child, but that's what,

The belief was that was the teaching.

And and that was my image of God.

And that fun carried through, for me,
all through my experience in Catholic

schools was, I was always afraid.

I was a very anxious child because I was
always afraid I was going to do something

to upset God and he would punish me.

And my mom, My mom hard.

my dad was because he had retired.

He still had to work.

So he went into the post
office civil service job.

So he was gone a lot.

he worked a lot on a lot of overtime.

My mom didn't drive.

We used to have to rely on my uncle
and other people to take us places.

But my mom suffered from depression.

I didn't know that at a young age, but
as the years went on, she struggled.

So my mom was, it was hard to be around
my mom at times because she was volatile.

Like sometimes she was nice.

Sometimes she wasn't, we didn't
really know what to expect.

So I always felt I was being punished.

If some, if she would have an, a
period of time where she wasn't

okay, I felt like it was my fault.

I did something wrong and
the Lord was punishing us.

So I lived in that sphere.

and my mom used to always tell
us if we did something wrong or

if we made a face or something.

God's going to combine say amen, meaning
we're going to get stuck that way with

the ugly face, or, that, so this was the,
it just added to my image of who God was.

I always was searching.

I, as I look back in
retrospect for the answers.

So I was always, digging.

Unfortunately, I was looking in the wrong
places because God was someone I feared.

in middle school, junior high
school, I started to, try to get

answers to, to just life in general.

And I had a very, a very keen,
understanding that something, there was

a big, there was something bigger, but I
was, I decided that it was somewhere else.

And so because my, my mom and she didn't
mean anything by it, but when I was a

little girl, my birthday is in October.

And so when I had a birthday
cake, the cake always had witches.

And so for me, which is in
that type of thing, there were

good, that was my birthday or
associated with something good.

And sometimes like a coloring book and
crayons, my mom would hand me a coloring

book and say, the witch brought it.

I don't know why she said or
used those things, but she did.

So in my mind, they were the
good thing that was good.

So I ended up because living in
Massachusetts and having to study

the Salem witch trials, a somewhat
fascination with witchcraft in the occult.

And I just started reading books and
spirituality and just, my mind went

towards that, but at the same time,
I always went to church and I always

prayed, and so there was some confusion.

A lot of confusion.

in high school, I had a very
typical high school experience.

I had a high school boyfriend that I had
to my whole high school, thought that he

would be the one that I'd stayed with.

But as things go on, after we
graduated, things didn't work out.

And that began for me.

a trajectory of a downward spiral of,
just being under in a home where things

were just unstable, with my mom and
not truly understanding who I was.

In my identity, and who God said I was, I
believed the things that were spoken over

me, by people and anger, because I'm short
and little, I was teased a lot growing up.

I was, just.

You're sure you're, and I equated
that with, I wasn't worthy or

I wasn't good enough or, I was
small, so I was overlooked.

I no one knew me or saw me.

I was just this thing, and
that was just the enemy's lies.

But sadly, that's what I believed.

And because of the breakup with my
high school boyfriend, and there was

a lot of rejection, and I then felt
like, I, no one would want me and

I was just lucky to have anybody.

so I met, my, I met someone who I knew
was not the right person for me, McGecko.

he had a lot of issues.

he was a drug addict.

He did drugs.

I didn't, but, I thought I could save him.

I thought I could be this, the savior.

I thought that I could make a difference.

I made a choice in my early twenties
to, it was either staying at home

in the situation that was with my
mom and just, there was some things

going on in the house that was,
there was trauma and I can, I just

didn't want to be there anymore.

I didn't want to get
sucked into the vortex.

So I made a decision to move to
Florida with this person and it

was a very difficult time for me.

That was back in 19,
in the early eighties.

and.

Even though when I look back at that
time, I'm lucky that I'm alive, some of

the things that happened to me because
it was an abusive relationship and many

people ask, like, why would you stay?

And it gets worse because I end up
marrying him, but why did you stay

and why, and the only answer you can
give to someone is if when you're in

an abusive situation or when you're,
have these things happen to you, you

become, you must become under their
influence, per se, and you don't

really have the ability to leave.

So that ability to really realize
like I have the strength to leave and

even though people said you have to
get out or why you with this person.

In my mind, I wasn't worthy.

It wasn't, I, God was already mad at me
for making some bad choices in my mind.

I had all these black spots.

I turned away from the Lord, not that
I didn't pray, but I just felt like

there was nothing I could do to make
up for all, the choices I was making.

And I just got further into it.

And we moved back to Massachusetts
in 1988, and I wanted to move home,

but that just didn't work out.

So I ended up moving in with him because
we really had nowhere else to go.

And then pressure to, from everyone.

you can't live together.

You have to get married.

and I postponed the wedding date a couple
times and ended up getting married.

It was a very big mistake for me.

because it was in a very abusive
situation and that lasted, some time.

And I was able to get out.

the situation when we had a big church
wedding and everything and I remember

that morning of the wedding being in the
limo and it was a rainy, it was April,

and it was should have been a nice day
but it was cold and rainy and we had wet

snow, and so if that didn't tip me off.

I don't know what would have,
but I was remembering in the

limo just wiping the mist off.

looking at everybody gathering and
saying, I don't want to do this.

And my dad was saying like, let's go.

And I just, I felt like
I had to just go with it.

Like I, I was just in this thing.

I was in this marriage
and it was very abusive.

And, during that time, I met a group of
people, group of women in the supermarket

who asked me, do you know who Jesus is?

to know the Lord.

And I said, Oh, yeah, in
my, what I thought was.

And so for a while, I was going to a
Bible study with this group of people

that are born again, Christians.

And, but I struggled
because I was Catholic.

I was struggling with this new
understanding of the Bible and scripture,

but I was very interested in it.

but this particular group of
people were only interested

in people that were married.

and even though I confided in them
about the abuse, they basically

said I had to stay in this.

So they just made it worse,
because they said I had to stay.

So my goal was to convert my husband.

So we tried to have different meetings and
he would just go out of his way to, to say

things and he was just not going for it.

and so they, when I kept saying
I need to leave this situation,

they stopped talking to me.

It just, unless I stayed married
to this person, they just.

And had him convert or, they, it
was whatever it was, they weren't

there to support me for that.

one day I went away for a weekend
and my husband went a little berserk

and broke everything in our home.

So my girlfriend and my sister
went and took whatever they could.

And so I, after that, never went back.

I got an apartment.

And I found myself as a single mom and I,
thankfully my mom helped me with my son

while I was in work full time, but I found
myself as a single mom raising, two boys.

One was in daycare when she had.

And.

Working full time.

And once again, in that same position
of being passed over, not being

good enough, there was people had a,
written who they thought I was based

off of me being a single mom and,
not being married and, having had

this relationship that was traumatic.

And I, what the people
that were close to me knew.

About the abuse, but most don't most,
and this may be the first time they

ever hear about how bad that was.

But I knew that I left with
my life intact, and I may

not have if I had stayed.

and that had to do with the drugs, because
when the drugs weren't there, then it was

a totally different person you're dealing
with, but drugs will do that, addictions.

so this is all part of my story because
I felt as I come from where I am today.

I can do what I do because the Lord has
let me live through these stories so

that no matter who comes to me, no matter
who I pray for, I, nothing shocks me.

There's probably nothing I haven't
seen or done or, have been a part

of that someone's going to say
to me or know somebody that has.

So as, as sad as it sounds, In
hindsight, I understand why I

had to go through these years.

but the years with my boys, were
hard because I worked full time.

we didn't have a lot of money,
but I did the best that I could.

Now, my, my second son was
a very difficult, child.

So as a single mom, I now have this.

two year old who I'm getting calls
from a daycare almost constantly that

I have to either come pick him up
that he was acting out his behavior.

There was all these things.

this was a whole new world for me.

And at three years old, we took him to
McLean hospital for an evaluation and

they told me I have a report, we never
have encountered a child quite like this.

We don't really understand now.

It could have been, I'm not going to
say my, my, it could have been some

autism could have been from vaccine.

Because he was as a baby and infant.

He was very good.

He was one of the easiest one.

It started after a, a doctor's visit.

Some, there was some noticeable changes,
but then it just got progressively worse.

But whatever the case is, God knows.

And, it opened, it began this, I worked
full time for a job that I was getting

called all the time to come pick up
my son, or he couldn't be managed.

And at that same time,
I met my husband now.

and so he was very supportive
of, me trying to find help for my

son and, just different things.

So when we decided to get married.

We also made a decision because we
worked in the same company, that I would

not work anymore and that I would stay
home and concentrate on getting help

for my son, Joshua, and what I did.

And, shortly there after three
months after having gotten married

for a second time and a marriage
was something I wanted to do again.

And it took a lot for me to say yes.

To want to get remarried and to open
myself up to, a new relationship.

And, but I did it because I really
wanted to give my children, my

sons, the better part of me.

I thought I, I could stay home and
I could take care of them and we'd

have a nice home and, it didn't quite
work out the way I wanted it to,

but it's been a work in progress.

my, my son.

It got progressively worse as time
went on, and at the same time, I found

myself pregnant at 40 with my daughter,
three months after we got married.

Our anniversary is actually
next week, so it'll be 20 years.

three months later, here I am
pregnant with another child.

And dealing with this child with what
happened to be, mental health issues

or something that looked like that.

And, that first year of marriage
was very difficult because

there was a lot of stressors.

Going on, with my son, with my daughter,
and my husband has a son too, and there

was just trying to figure it all out,
and it became very stressful, for me,

my, and then when I was pregnant in
March of that year, my, my son got,

It was in kindergarten, called, he
was in school and he made a little

thing with a paper clip and they
said that he made a little weapon.

And they called the police
and the ambulance came and

he went into a hospital.

So here I am, newly married with,
pregnant with my son in a hospital

and it was a whole new world for me.

It was just, I didn't, I had
never, Even knew that this existed

that, five or six year old would
be in a psychiatric hospital.

and so I spent a week mostly
in the hospital at the same

time my grandmother died.

and my mom got very sick
all, all in the same time.

So there's a lot of trauma.

There was a lot of stuff going on
when I was pregnant with my daughter.

Lisa: Wow.

Jesse: yeah, but I had my faith at
the time I did lean on the Lord.

I always prayed, I was always
carrying, my books of prayers.

And, I always, no matter where
I was always had that be upfront

and people would always notice
that, how are you standing up?

Like, how are you doing this?

And I said, I'm praying, I have faith.

and again, it's not like the faith I have
now because it was more that rote prayers

as, pleading with God to help me, but
not understanding that he was with me.

it's more of, he's out there
somewhere, but I'm just gonna hang on.

and so for Josh, it was a long
road that we had with him.

he had five hospitalizations
before he was 10 years old.

and a lot of it was because nobody
knew really what was going on with him.

We had tests and different things and,
because I was not understanding, I,

it was in a different place back then.

I was just under, didn't understand
the whole world of psychopharmacology

and medicine and different things.

And so a lot of what I know now
was probably medicine related.

Sometimes it made him worse.

Some helped, but he really
struggled and, in those years

of him being in the hospital.

I had my daughter who, also struggled.

She was almost as difficult as
him, and she had selective mutism.

By the time she was two
years old, she wouldn't talk.

She would talk to us, but no one else.

And.

The Lord blessed me
with two other children.

So in four years from 40 to
45, I had three more children.

yeah, so the Lord, for whatever
reason had, it has this all plotted

out and I know he knows what he's
doing, but at the time it was a lot.

There was a lot, and I have my older son
who was, he was in high school by the time

I had my youngest son, he was graduating.

So by the time Josh was 10, Josh went
to live somewhere else, because we

could no longer manage him safely.

and there was I'd like to say
that everything in the home

was perfect, but it wasn't.

So there was a lot of, in our
marriage, there was a lot of.

discord.

There was a, there's, there was
a, we weren't on the same page.

There's a lot of difficult time.

And I really had to lean on the Lord
in those times because I found myself

here, like I said, 45, five kids in
a marriage that didn't necessarily

turn out the way I'd envisioned it
to, and leaning on the Lord the best

I could, but also aging parents.

and I ended up having to take care of
them or, help, especially with my dad.

I was driving my dad back and
forth to doctor's appointments

and just, different thing.

Being the caregiver, in my family,
I guess that's what I've always been

looked at as even though I wasn't the
oldest, I just took on the role of mom.

Especially, for my younger sibling
when my mom really couldn't do it.

so it was something I was used
to, but it was without my faith.

I don't know how I would
have been able to handle it.

so when my son was, when we were
really trying to fight the system

to get my son the best care and the
best schools, I decided to go back to

school to become a special ed advocate.

which I did and that I
used a lot of my faith.

I brought my faith into a lot of things
and each, it's, it, when I look back how

God was in every single moment, where I
could witness, even though I didn't know

at the time, that's what I was doing,
the power of God and the strength of God.

just the way he laid out different things.

And so as a special ed advocate,
I was able to get my son the best.

schools and in the best programs
where no one thought I could.

So this is where I started to gain some
strength of this is who I am, not who the

world tells me I am, and not the labels
that have been put on me by meme calling.

Because, at this point, Being
in abusive, verbal abusive,

physical abuse, verbal abuse.

The words spoken over me were always like,
you're not good enough, you're not smart

enough, you're ugly, you're fat, you're
this, you're that, whatever mean thing

somebody would say would come at me, it
was, everything was on me and those were

the labels that I carried for a long time.

So that self condemnation and just being
in trauma really does affect your body.

It affects how you think, it
affects a lot of different things.

So for that period of time, when I was
the advocate, when I was advocating for

other I really felt like the Lord was
using me in many situations to bring.

I would pray with people, it was
every single person that he brought

me to was somebody that was open
to prayer, where I was able to pray

with them through situations and get
services and get, especially fighting

the system, it's almost impossible to
gain, get services and IEP meetings.

And if anybody's familiar with that,
they know that it's very difficult.

and

Lisa: So you were you
advocating for other parents?

Jesse: other parents, as well
as from my own children, yes.

I didn't charge anything.

it was more for me to just, because
advocacy can cost a lot of money.

So I know that when I tried to get
one for myself, it was, would have

been thousands of dollars that I would
have spent to have somebody help me.

So I chose not to charge people.

I just gave them my time to do it because.

It was important for me to see these kids
be successful and not, push to the side.

yeah.

And so I'm happy to say that for
my son, I fought for him to get

into a specific school that had
everything he needed because he

was in a place that was not helping
him and the school was denying him.

they said they wouldn't pay for
it and Department of Mental Health

didn't want, they weren't able to
pay for this when they would have,

but they weren't allowed to give
that money to this particular school.

but this school had everything he
needed and I even sought out attorneys

and, they said, Lisa, there's
no way you're going to win this.

Because you have, you have to
set them up to fail before the

way the system's set up, you fail
before you can get what you need.

And I said, no, we're
not going to do that.

I, and so I prayed and I prayed
and we came to the meeting

and I let everybody talk.

And then I just basically
spoke from my heart, what the

Holy Spirit told me to say.

And, I just, leaned on the Lord
and I trusted that he was going

to do what he was going to do.

And Sure enough, he won.

I won and my son was able to go
to the school and they, so it

was twice that the Lord did that.

and then in 2014, my dad, 2013,
he got sick New Year's Eve.

We, he was diagnosed with.

colon cancer, and they told us
he had six months, but it was

really six weeks that he had.

So in 2014, my dad passed away and my
dad was really my, Person that I relied

on, so my dad was always there for me.

He was my rock.

And so I think that's why I'm able to
understand the love of the father, because

I had the love of the father and I get it.

so when my dad passed away.

at that time, my now it was my
daughter's turn to be facing

some things that my son did.

So the school, said that she could
no longer attend public school and

they had her in a 45 day placement
trying to evaluate where they

thought that they could send her.

my dad was had passed away and my
son was now having to be moved to a

different school because there are some
problems and all in this timeframe.

I was trying to hold it all together.

So I remember just fighting
the fight for my daughter.

Once again, when I found myself
fighting for my son, my dad having

passed away and having to take care
of my mom and trying to get her

everything she needed and settled.

And I remember fighting the same
fight with Ava and the school was

telling me that she had to go to a
behavioral school, which was, It would

be detrimental for my daughter because
she, my daughter needed a very quiet

place that was trauma informed and this
place wasn't and they weren't listening.

Again, it was try it if it
doesn't work, then we'll, and

I, so I was fighting, fighting.

And it was that same, was the same thing.

You're not going to win.

This isn't going to work.

And the school I wanted her to
go to had only so many spots.

So it was like a lottery.

So as the spots went, that was it.

Once the spots were gone, there
was no, there was nothing.

and when we first started the
process, there were six spots.

And as we were getting closer
to the school, just not giving

in, there was one spot left.

And then I got a call saying
that the spot was taken.

So I was devastated and I said, I'm
still going to fight for her to not go to

this other place, whatever that may be.

But I prayed to the Lord.

I remember getting on my hands and
knees and saying, Lord, I really, I need

this, why Ava needs this, we need this.

And I got a call saying the person backed
out, they weren't able to get the funding.

So I said, okay.

And I went to the meeting and I said,
listen, this isn't about bureaucracy.

It's not a, whatever it is,
this is about a child's life.

And I got a call and it was from the
school and they said, you can have it.

And so I knew that the Lord was with me,
but I have to tell you at that point, I,

felt like I ran the belt Boston marathon.

And everything I had just gave way.

And I just remember feeling like I
just needed to fall on the ground,

like it, just, and at shortly
thereafter, my body, got sick.

And so this is the part of the story
where all this, all these years of

trauma, all the years of abuse, all the
years of fighting took a toll on my body.

And swells, the grief of losing my dad.

In, September of, or August of that
year, I was diagnosed, I was told that

I had, tendonitis in both my feet, and
I was not, so at the time I was doing

a lot of, boot camps, and I was at the
gym, and I was spending a lot of time

at the gym because it was an outlet.

But it was also something I was good
at and I was doing training to be in

these, obstacle courses and probably
shouldn't have been doing it at age

of 50, but I was doing it and I was
keeping up with the younger kids and

I actually felt good about myself.

and so I was diagnosed
with the tendonitis.

But then it got worse, where
I couldn't walk at all and the

pain in my feet was unbearable.

So I went to the doctors and
they couldn't figure it out.

And this is what happened.

I went to an internal doctor and she
looked, she looked at me and said to

me and spoke this over me and this
power of what people say matters.

You have an autoimmune disease.

You had a good run, but it's over now.

And, you could have lupus, you
could have this, you can have that.

Sent me down a rabbit hole.

and so for a year and a half,
my life was very difficult.

It was very sick.

My entire body was riddled in pain.

I did have to an MRI on my feet and both
my feet had the same exact injuries.

there was torn tendons, torn
ligaments, there was some

deformities in the bones of my feet.

I could, couldn't wear shoes.

it, it was so hard for me to, it
went from this to not to nothing.

I had also something going on in
my skin where my skin felt like

it was on fire and it would burn.

I can't tell you in painful, but if
you touch my skin, it was ice cold.

my face would go numb.

Like the right side of
my body would go numb.

My feet would go numb.

it was extremely difficult and I was
told, I rheumatologists and I was told,

you're just going to have to live with
it, you'll get used to it kind of thing.

And I said, I'm not
going to get used to it.

I'm like this and my, and
I was in a lot of pain.

So for during that year and a half,
I found myself back at church.

So instead of going to the gym every
day, I went to church every day.

And I.

Again, was being told things
that were not what I believe now.

So I was being told that God loves me
so much that he gave me the sickness.

Lisa: Yeah.

Jesse: that the suffering was a gift
and that I, to offer it up for other

people, to share in the cross and.

And I have to tell you that in that
time frame, when you're in so much pain

and you don't really know what your
day, what life is going to give you,

what it's going to look like, it almost
made me feel better to know that if,

okay, if I'm suffering and I'm helping
someone else, And I'm okay with that.

I can live with that
sort of, but I would cry.

I was in, and I, my kids were
small and I still had to deal

with my son was still in a place.

My daughter was in special school.

my, my mom needed me and it was just a,
it was a really difficult period of time.

And this is where, I was
invited to go to a church that

was having a special healing.

It was called the School
of the Holy Spirit.

And it was a charismatic conference.

And I'd never gone to anything like that.

I didn't even know that was a thing.

I thought I was suffering for
the souls and all these other

things that I was taught.

so I went to this conference and
there was praise and worship.

And I remember just,
everybody was dancing.

So I must, I wanted to, part of the story
I left out was that I, as a kid, I was

a dancer, dancing was always something
that made me feel better even today.

and then I had always aspired
to be a dancer, professionally,

but that didn't happen.

But when I was hurt, there was, they told
me I'll never be able to dance again.

We'll never be able to
do any of these things.

So I saw everybody dancing and praising
the Lord and I was sitting there crying

and they had some speakers come and
talk about healing and talk about Jesus

and at the end of the third day, the
person running the conference said,

if there's anybody here who's never
really invited Jesus I was listening

to a lot of things that I teach now,
but I didn't have never heard before.

if you, want to invite Jesus into
your heart, if come to the altar

and I remember I ran to the altar
and I didn't even give a thought

about my feet hurting or anything.

I just made my way to that
altar and they prayed over me

and I fell out in the spirit.

I was out for a long time.

And I woke up with a
hunger for the word of God.

So from that moment, I just took, I
always have my Bible with me, but I

was hungry to understand who Jesus was.

Who is this new Jesus
that I'm hearing about?

Who is this God that actually
loves me and didn't punish me?

And this is not from the Lord.

This is not something I have to keep.

This is not, and so I'd like
to say I was instantly healed.

But I wasn't, but I had a lot of fear.

There was a lot of fear with this illness.

And what I learned was there was a lot
of, forgiveness I had to go through.

There was a lot of internal inner
healing prayer that I needed.

But it was the first time that I felt
like Jesus loved me, who Jesus was.

And I started to read the scripture and
understand more and more about how to

pray the right way and how to pray for
people and how to pray for my family.

And not, it doesn't have
to be these real prayers.

And, at the same time.

My son, Joshua, was still living away
from us and they were telling me that

I would have to start to get used to
the idea that he may never come home

and that he would have to live in a
group home or something to that effect.

Lisa: So how old was he at this time?

Jesse: 16, 16.

And so I, had him come to the conference.

I took him out of the school, I
had him come to the conference,

the rest of the conference.

And my son, at the last day, went to
the altar, got prayed over, received

the Lord, went back to his school,
and in, by November of this, that

year, he was back home living with us.

Lisa: Whoa.

Jesse: yeah, he attended, he was
able to go to a high school, a

special high school, but it was.

very much academic based.

He was accepted into Newberry
College in Boston and happy to

say he is, has zero medicine.

he's medicine, he's very successful.

and The Lord has done wonders in his life.

that was that very same conference that I
went to where I began my healing journey.

And as you can see now, I'm
completely 100 percent healed.

my body has zero pain.

My feet are completely healed.

I dance.

I walk six miles a day.

I do whatever the Lord asked me to do.

the same thing happened
for my daughter, Ava.

She, so I ended up, wanting to
know more about how to pray for

healing and how to, seek healing for
myself outside of this conference.

So I was, I ended up in Jacksonville,
which is why I'm here, at

Christian Healing Ministries.

And I took their schools,
Levels 1, 2, 3, and 4.

And then took part in their internship
and I am now an active prayer minister

at Christian Healing Ministries.

But I also have my own ministry,
in, as I said, in the Winter Healing

Ministry where I go back and forth to
Boston, but I also do local things.

But the Lord has taken me from this
place of brokenness and through,

forgiveness and forgiveness.

Amen.

Forgiving the people in my life that have
hurt me and letting them go, surrendering.

I have, I've been able to
understand who Jesus is and who

God is and who the Holy Spirit is.

And the Word of God is not to be feared
as far as God is not our punisher.

He doesn't look at the black spots on us.

He impacts us and see them.

He sees us as his creation.

and all those imperfections that, We
have, all those things that I lived

through, the different, the different
trials, especially with my children

and my marriages and, God has been
there through every single step of

the way, and even in the hard times.

When I look back, you can see, I can
see where he was in each one of those

places and how I was able to influence
all the people around me with my faith

and especially with my daughter Eva.

As I, they knew me when I was sick.

So she first started that, that school
in the, when I first got diagnosed.

So they knew me as very sick and, by
the time she left that school, I was,

on my way, I was healed when I was
well on my way to the, to this healing

ministry, but they were able to see
firsthand miracles happen and even, I

had shoulder surgery and I had a big
giant bruise and it was a big hematoma.

And I was there the day that I had the
surgery because I had to pick my daughter

up and they saw it and they told me there
was because of the surgery because I had

such a big tumor taken out of my arm that
it was going to be like that for months

before that hematoma would go down.

So we prayed over it.

And when I returned it,
it was completely healed.

Two days later, it was completely healed.

It was like completely healed.

As you can see, there's nothing there.

it was, they saw with their own eyes.

But I was able to open up a place that
didn't really ever pray, it wasn't even

a place where people wanted to pray.

it was a school that probably
was different than that.

But then people said, I remember as a
girl going to church and I remember this.

And so people then were
open to the prayer.

They said, you should
pray at these meetings.

And, I just see that the Lord
has been working in my life.

with this ministry, I was sick and I
went to the trials and everybody saw

me go through them and then they saw
me get well and I got well through

the process of inner healing for me.

there were some physical healings,
but as I healed on the inside,

my body healed on the outside.

I was rid of the fear, the labels,
just the different things that, the

enemy made me believe about myself.

So I lived in shame, I lived in guilt,
I lived in, just blame, different

things, regret, which are all the
topics that I talk about, and teach

on because I lived through them.

Lisa: So let me just ask you, you
not only got physically healed, but

you got healed of a lot of the trauma

Jesse: huh,

Lisa: and the, the attacks of the
enemy, all the, there's condemnation

and all that stuff that he throws at us.

He's the accuser of the brethren.

He accuses us night and day.

Jesse: Really.

Lisa: was this healing I know you,
you're, you said your physical

healing wasn't instantaneous.

What kind of work did you have to do
in order to start seeing the freedom

from the the mental stuff, the
condemnation and the shame and all that?

Jesse: So for me, and what I find to in
my healing ministry is that unforgiveness

and bitterness are the biggest things that
hold us back and can cause us to be sick.

So when we get sick, we think
of it, we have a disease.

It's because we're diseased,
we're not at ease, we're diseased.

It has a lot to do with how, that
bitterness and unforgiveness for me.

And I didn't even understand, a lot of
it, that, I thought I forgave people

or that things I needed to forgive.

a lot of it had to do with my mom.

and I, and thank God for, my understanding
of the prayer now, because my relationship

with my mom in her latter years was
much better than it ever was, because

I understood, I saw my mother as.

Where she was coming from,
where she, where her heart

was and where her pain was.

And I could see her as the way the
Lord saw her, not how I used to

view my mom in that critical eye.

So I had to forgive my mom, for
lots of things that I didn't even

realize I needed to forgive her for.

But, even my dad.

for letting me stay there in the
situation as much as I love my dad.

He left us in the situation
knowing that my mom struggled and

may or may not be able to care
for us in the way that we needed.

and then from my ex husband and even,
in my own current marriage, like There's

things that we hold on to, and I had to
let go of a lot of the stuff that I was

hurt by, the rejections or the, betrayals
and the different things that, It's the

inner healing piece for me, which is why,
I teach on inner healing and I pray for

inner healing because I feel like it's
really the key to a lot of, what holds

us back from living the destiny, the
life and the purpose that God has for us.

And the enemy uses that mostly
to keep us from our destiny.

so it's one of the very first talks I
ever did was on the power of the tongue.

And it's not just what we speak, but
what's spoken over us can act as a curse

Lisa: Right.

Jesse: for our life.

And then we live under that curse.

And that's truly what happened to me.

because as a girl graduating high
school, I want, I always wanted to be

an accountant as silly as that sounds,
or I'm a car mechanic and they always

told me I couldn't be a car mechanic.

You're a girl, but I wanted to be a
CPA and that was what I wanted to do.

And I got accepted to Bentley
and my dad said, no, you, I'm

not going to send you there.

I'm not going to spend the money
because you'll just get married and

never use that degree kind of thing.

And that was his mentality.

And I, wanted to go and I didn't, but
it really did act as a curse and a

trajectory to why I made the choices
I made, because in my mind it was

like, Oh, I just have to get married.

And I just had to get married because
that's what my father said, like whether

he meant that or not, it's what happened.

And so I'm just going to get
married and have kids anyway.

So I need to do that.

And so when that didn't work out with my
high school boyfriend and I just was like

in this hurry, I need to get married.

I need to have kids.

I need to, whether it was a good or
bad or the ugly and it was all of that.

it's very important what we believe about
ourselves and what our image of God is.

So that's the other thing that I really
try to teach is God is a loving father.

He's a protector.

He's always there for us.

He's always with us.

he never leaves us or forseeks us and
it's, we leave him lots of the time,

he never takes his eyes off of us,
but we tend to take our eyes off of

him, especially when we're in sin and
when we're doing things that we know,

Tend his to tobacco, I know I did.

I'm not gonna speak for everyone,
but I just just I don't want him

to look at me, so I'm just gonna
kinda pretend he can't see me.

and then the enemy swoops right on
in with his lies and his deceit.

So if there's people that need to forgive
someone, today's a good day to do it.

just hand them over to
the Lord and release.

The other piece is to release
people from our judgment.

That's the other side of forgiveness,
so it's not just forgiving people,

it's releasing them from judgment.

So there's three pieces
that I had to learn.

I had to forgive, I had to
release them from my judgment,

but then I also had to bless them.

And that was the hardest part for me
because people would give me these

prayers to pray blessings over the
people that hurt me and I didn't want to.

And for a long time I wouldn't.

I said, no, why would I want them to
have all these good things that, why

would I want them to be prosperous?

Why would I want them to have favor?

Why would I want their life to be
good after what they did to me?

And then I realize now I gladly say those
prayers because it only benefits us.

It only benefits me and only
benefits those that know them.

that's when you truly know that
you're able to forgive and it's gone.

It's when that, when you don't, when
you think about the situation and it

doesn't make you crazy anymore, it
doesn't bring that fear and anxiety.

You just feel peace in it.

Then you know the Lord has done the
work that needs to be done in your

heart because it's all about the heart.

Lisa: Yeah.

Jesse: That's what we hold there.

Lisa: Yeah, I was just talking to somebody
yesterday about how the resentments are

really holding them back and that, and,
unforgiveness is such a powerful thing.

There's a really good reason
why Jesus put it in the Lord's

Prayer, And so we have to forgive.

Others, the way that God has forgiven
us, but the only way that I've

found that I can do that really
is to remember who I am in Christ.

It all has to do with my
identity and how I see myself.

So what you said about forgiving,
and forgiving yourself and letting

go of the past, that's so important.

Jesse: Yeah.

And it's hard.

it's hard.

And it's hard when you, I guess this
biggest hurdle to that is when you

start to begin to heal and you begin to
work on yourself, it doesn't mean those

other people are going to do that too.

Lisa: Right.

Jesse: if they're still in your
life or they're still around

you, you have to find a way to.

to have peace and not
let them take the peace.

And that's the struggle.

And that's where we lean
on the word of God always.

And, when I was walking and praying
this morning about talking with

you today, the Lord reminded me
of, there's this Japanese art.

They take all the broken pieces.

So if there's a vase that breaks, they,
that it, they put it back together, but

they put it back together with gold.

or silver or platinum, but you
can see where it was broken.

And the whole theory behind that is
that it's a beautiful, beautifully

imperfect, but it doesn't hide our flaws.

It enhances the beauty of it.

And so we have to know
that's who we are in God.

Like he'll take us and
he'll put us back together.

And it says in the scripture, he
refines us with the gold and the silver.

he does that with us.

And it's so that we know who he is.

And who we are in him.

And we're that beautiful base
that's been put back together.

Lisa: I love that image, Psalm 147, 3
came to mind, where it says, He heals

the brokenhearted and binds up their
wounds, and it's that binding, that gold

streak that, in all the broken places,
that was what makes, Him shine through,

Jesse: That's right.

That's right.

That's right.

Lisa: that's beautiful.

Jesse: Yeah.

Lisa: we might run out of time in a little
while, but I wanted to ask you, what

does a typical day look like for you?

how do you start your day?

what kind of spiritual
practices do you have?

Jesse: my day starts, I get up early.

I spend time, in the word and pray.

I'm a constantly in prayer,
though, like my day is there's God.

I'm always in conversation with God.

And so as I teach prayer is
just a conversation with God.

So coming from that Catholic background.

The hardest part for me or I remember
saying like the hardest part to pray

with people is I don't know how to pray.

I only know these cards and these
prayers on the, the road prayers.

I don't understand how to pray scripture.

I didn't understand that.

Now I know that prayer is
just a conversation with God.

And that's what I tell everyone.

You just start talking to God and
sometimes it's just being quiet.

but my day always starts in
that quiet reflection time.

And then I go for a walk every morning.

And I do some more talking with
God, or just reflections, or just

try to figure out what my next talk
is going to be about, what does

the Lord want me to share with the
world, what is it he wants me to do.

I still live.

I have four kids at home still, Josh was
still here and Ava and I have two kids, my

daughter and son are still in high school.

So the busyness of being a mom, living
here in Florida has been a challenge

because we don't really know anybody.

Our family's back in Massachusetts.

So there's been a lot of, Pressure on me
to just be everything for everyone here.

So that's a lot of my days just trying
to make every sure everybody is okay.

I have prayer appointments some days I
still do, help with the schools, I do.

I minister to the prayer ministry.

so every day is a little bit different.

I do a food ministry on Wednesdays.

So I, like every day is about trying to
serve the Lord the best way that I can.

and then come up with where
the Lord is going to take me.

What he wants me to do, with this
ministry, what my next topics will be.

Just, and just every day the Lord
will send someone new to me or some,

something new for me, a challenge
of, my past, just as we were just

talking, somebody just reached out
about the school that my daughter went

to and some challenges she had there.

Somebody needs my help that is
facing the same challenges today.

So again, the Lord is always on the
move and he's always, doing things to,

to, to show me where he was in that and
where he'll be for that person as well.

Lisa: Yeah, it sounds to me like you're
just totally devoted to hearing his

voice and following him wherever he leads
and you're making yourself available

to whatever he wants, That's awesome.

if there was one bit of advice that
you could give to somebody out there

in the future, this happens to come
to this podcast, what would Lisa

Palmieri pass, want to pass along
to somebody that may be struggling?

Jesse: I think that the biggest
thing I would want someone to

know is that they are loved.

That they are cherished by God,
that they are not forgotten,

that they are not invisible, that
God sees them and he knows them.

And no matter what it is that they're
going through, that he is always

going to be there with them, that he's
for them and he's not against them.

And I guess what I've learned is
to just to let go and let God.

and to surrender.

it's so hard not to try to do things
in our own strength, but to, to

peen on the strength of the Lord.

And I guess my favorite scripture
is that I can do all things

through Christ who strengthens me.

I have it on the wall behind me.

to, as a reminder that, like I
said in the beginning, I cannot

do anything in my own strength.

I can, but I'll mess up if I
try, but I can do everything.

With the Lord.

And so I think if you can just remember,
and if you find yourself in a place.

Of trauma or abuse that you
do not have to stay in it.

You can go to those someone
you trust and tell them what's

going on, but to seek help.

I was given some bad advice early on.

but that wasn't right.

You don't have to stay
and you can find help.

And so that for me, it's let go and
let God surrender everything to him and

trust that he has the best plans for you.

Even if they, even if your circumstances
don't line up to what you think they

are, just stay to the word of God that
says that he wants to prosper us and

he has a future full of hope for us.

And then we have to just
hold on to that word.

because it's truth.

Lisa: Yeah.

Wow.

That's great.

I wanted to go back and ask you, about
that healing service that you went

to, you had the praise and worship and
the dancing and then the Holy Spirit.

You fell out under the
power of the Holy Spirit.

Do you think that was a baptism
in the Holy Spirit or that was

Jesse: Oh, yeah.

I'm pretty sure that it was a baptism.

that's what it was a
school of the Holy Spirit.

So basically, we're baptized in the
Holy Spirit now as Catholics, I received

confirmation that is truly the baptism
of the Holy Spirit is not taught.

That way, and I didn't even
know that's what I received.

it was just more of, understanding
the power that I had through the

Holy Spirit, understanding the gifts
and the fruits of the Holy Spirit.

I never was taught any of that.

So this, it was an all new
experience for me, and I did, for

many years, go back to that school.

They still are close to my heart and, I'm
very close to the people that, and they

still do that school every summer in July.

It's a week long school, in Massachusetts,
and I've seen lives transformed

and changed over and over again.

And.

I love them.

and so they, they were instrumental in me
and my healing and just, praying over me.

They spoke words, prophesied over me.

prophesied about the ministry.

And at the time I couldn't
even fathomed that what the

Lord was going to do with me.

And I still don't know what he actually
has in store, but, even just me,

having that YouTube channel and me
getting up there on the, And speaking

was not something I was always the
person in the back of the room.

I was not the person that wanted to
be up front in any way, shape or form.

So the Lord can do immeasurable things
with us as long as we trust him.

Lisa: tell us about your YouTube channel,
so in case people are interested in

hearing more of what you have to say.

Jesse: all of the nights of
healing prayer that I have, I have

run are on my YouTube channel.

It's Lisa Palmieri workshops and there's I
think there's probably 23 or 24 different

videos now and each one is a teaching, but
there is prayer incorporated in each one.

So as you listen, you'll hear.

You will be able to pray through
certain subject matters or, I have had

people testimonies of people who have
listened to them because as we know,

there's no time and space for the Lord.

And so people have listened and
have received, breakthroughs.

They've, received healings, just physical,
emotional, spiritual, and the Lord

continues to use them in powerful ways.

And so that it's, there's
just different topics.

There's the power of the time.

There's one and forgiveness.

There's a mother and father's blessing.

There's gifts of the spirit.

There's all different ones.

There's all different kinds.

So the Holy Spirit will lead you?

Yeah.

Oh,

Lisa: okay.

I'm gonna, I've never done it
before, but I'm gonna try to put a

link to your YouTube channel in the
note, in the show notes for this

Jesse: okay.

Lisa: I'm sure if I can't figure it out,
I'll find somebody that can help me.

Because it's awesome.

I want other people to be
able to, experience that.

Jesse: Yeah.

And each one has a little
tidbit of the story.

My testimony is in each story.

there's something personal
that I, put out there.

Something I'm struggling with because
life isn't perfect and we're all

going to go through struggles and
it's how we deal with those struggles.

And so there's hope in each one of them.

Yeah,

Lisa: Yeah.

That's, that's how God
works through our struggles,

Jesse: that's true.

That's true.

Lisa: One more question and
then we'll wrap things up.

You said that after you had this
experience of falling out, and

the Holy Spirit healing you, that
you developed, you immediately

had a hunger for the Word of God.

did you want to make
any comments about that?

Jesse: Yeah, I just took the,
I started to read the Bible.

I went out and I got a Bible.

I started to read it and really read it.

And, but if you, for me, I take
everything that I read through

the lens of an inner healer.

So I see in each scripture, the Lord
highlights to me where there's healing

in each one of those scriptures.

And there's a story to
bring healing to others.

And that's what I use in my talks is
scripture all the time, but I bring

it to life in a way that through the
lens of an inner healer, where the Lord

was and what he was doing and how he
was healing people through his word.

And so for me, it was
just to understand Jesus.

To understand God and the Holy Spirit
in a way that I wasn't taught, through

catechism or through anything like that.

it's God speaks to me.

And I still have that hunger, like
I love to read the Word of God.

I love highlighting, my Bible
looks like it, I mean if you

see it, it's all written there.

And it's got notes, it's got highlights.

it's, I said, this
tells a story in itself.

Someday somebody's going to pick
up my Bible and they're going

to read a whole lot of stuff.

Lisa: that's awesome.

is there anything else that
you feel like you need to add?

Jesse: just to never give up hope,
never, think you're alone because

I think that's the biggest piece
when the enemy can isolate us.

that's when he does the damage, when
he tries, always stay in fellowship,

always confide in another believer,
surround yourself with people like

minded, it really does matter.

just never lose hope that no
matter what you're facing, God has

the answer and it's in his word.

And when you find it in his word,
you declare it to be and it will be.

Lisa: Yes.

Oh, that's awesome.

Thank you.

Jesse: You're welcome.

Sure.

Sure.

Lisa: would you pray for our listeners?

Jesse: Thank you, Father.

Thank you for this time, Lord.

And as your word says that we overcome
the enemy by the blood of the lamb,

by the power of our testimony, the
word of our testimony, it brings life.

Father, that I just ask that you
breathe your life over each and

every person listening to this,
Lord, that you bring healing.

That you bring refreshment.

Father God, whomever may be listening
to this in whatever period of time in

their life, father, that they know that
you are there with them, that right now

in this very moment, that they feel your
presence, that you just enveloped them in

a blanket of your love, your protection.

When I ask you to protect Jesse
and I thank you Lord for everything

that he's doing with this broadcast.

Lord, I thank you that
he brings life and love.

In the word to others, Lord God, so I ask
that you protect him and his family and

this ministry surround him, your heavenly
host of angels, Lord, bring healing, bring

light, bring peace into his life, Father.

And I thank you for each
person that will hear this.

I thank you for their life
and I thank you for what you

are going to do in their life.

Lord, I thank you for forgiveness that
on the cross, Jesus said, forgive them

for they know not what they're doing.

Lord, I thank you that you.

That we are righteous and we are redeemed.

I thank you for the love
that you give us, Lord.

So Father, I ask that you just pour out
your Holy Spirit, that you just fill us

up to overflowing from the top of our
heads to the soles of our feet, that

any place in our bodies, our minds,
our souls, and our spirit that needs

healing, you just bring healing, Father.

We thank you, Father, for the testimonies
that will come out of this podcast, Lord.

The testimonies of your
goodness and your healing.

And your love.

Father, I thank you for the
hedge of protection you place

around us as we go about our day.

We thank you that you
protect us and our families.

Protect us from all sickness,
harm, accidents, Lord.

And keep our feet on the firm
path that you set forth before

us, Lord, that you are a lamp to
our feet and a light to our path.

And I pray all this in Jesus
holy name, that he be glorified.

Amen.

Amen.

Speaker 3: We hope you've
been blessed by today's story.

In case you haven't noticed, there
are no advertisements on this podcast,

and we hope to keep it that way.

So if you've heard something that you
think could help someone you know, please

share it using the link in the show notes.

Also, if you will give Faith and Purpose a
positive review on your podcast platform,

you could help more people find it.

You will probably never know how
that small effort can make a big

difference in someone's life,
but our Heavenly Father knows.

Speaking of sharing, if you know a Jesus
follower with a story to tell, please send

them a link to Faith and Purpose Podcast.

It may encourage them to tell their story.

That person may even be you.

Our only criteria is
that Jesus be glorified.

Most Christians don't share their
faith because they mistakenly think

their story is not interesting enough,
or that it's self centered to talk

about themselves, or that they are not
competent to explain the gospel correctly.

But none of that is relevant.

If Jesus has changed your
life, you have a story to tell.

All of our stories are completely unique.

No one has a story like yours, and you
may be the only one who can reach someone

else through telling your experience.

So don't be intimidated.

A story is just that, a true account
of your own experience, and no one

can disagree with your experience.

When we tell what Jesus has done in
our lives, we are being obedient to his

command to go into all the world and
preach the gospel to every creature.

It's not about theology, and it's not
about how interesting or special you are.

It's all about Jesus.

So when you're ready to tell how Jesus
has impacted your life, you can let Jesse

know at his ministry website, jesseduke.

net.

There you can download guidelines
that will make it easy to

prepare to tell your story.

Thank you for listening today and Shalom.