Faith & Purpose

Cailin: Welcome everyone to
Faith and Purpose Podcast.

Each episode of this podcast contains the
personal testimony of an ordinary person

transformed by an extraordinary guide.

My name is Kaylyn, and I'm
here to introduce this podcast

for my friend Jesse Duke.

Jesse is a husband, father,
author, life recovery guide, lay

counselor, and small group leader.

But his most important role is
disciple as a disciple of Jesus.

Jesse created this podcast to help other
believers tell their faith stories.

We'll be hearing the personal
testimonies of all sorts of people

who have one thing in common.

Jesus has transformed their lives.

Jesus used parables because he created
us to learn best through story.

And as we listen to how God has worked
in others' lives, we find encouragement

and inspiration for our own faith walk.

Whether you are already a believer or
just a curious seeker, we believe that

as you listen to these stories, you will
be encouraged on your own faith journey.

We are sure that God can speak to you
through one of these episodes and that

you will see that our Heavenly Father
truly works all things together for our

good when we simply love and trust him.

If you are currently going through a
trial, we believe that you will come

to see that your troubles, heartbreaks
and failures are not gravestones, but

stepping stones into new life in Christ.

Here's Jesse with today's guest.

Bruce: Welcome everybody to
Faith and Purpose Podcast today.

I am very happy to have my
friend Bruce to tell his story,

and I can't wait to hear it.

How you doing today, Bruce?

Jesse: I am doing well.

I'm doing well.

Thanks, Jesse, for this opportunity.

it's, it's an honor privilege to be
able to share, my, my testimony, my

experience, strength and hope, what it was
like, what happened, what it's like now.

yeah, it's, it's an honor and a privilege.

Bruce: Well, I really appreciate it.

I've had many good interviews and
I just trust the Holy Spirit to

send me whoever he wants to, tell
their story because he knows who's

out there that needs to hear it.

And, I'm really happy to have you today.

So tell us, what it was like, what
happened and what it's like now.

Jesse: my background growing up as a
young man was filled with a lot of love,

a loving home, a loving mother and father.

my mother had remarried
when I was very young.

and, and I adopted, the gentleman's last
name and, very loving, loving parents.

I, I was not raised in a home that,
necessarily did church a lot, but, I

know my mother was a strong believer.

My father was raising me, was a scientist.

And he was not so much
the believer at that time.

but I was raised in a
very loving environment.

my first ex exposure to, church really,
that I can remember was, one summer I

was in, third grade, maybe fourth grade.

And, I was playing outside.

I was, and up the street from
us was a church, about three,

about 300 yards from our house.

And there was a bunch of kids out
there playing kickball and, I was

having a grand time just watching 'em.

they invited me to play and I, so
I was playing kickball with 'em

and all of a sudden they stopped
and they went inside the church and

I said, where are you guys going?

They said, we're going
into vacation Bible school.

And I said, oh, and one, one
kid said, you want to come too?

And I said, sure.

And, that was back in a day and age where,
you went out at Sunrise and you came back

in at sunset and you're, as long as you
were in yelling distance of your parents,

you just were out and about for the day.

And so I went in and I went
to this bible school, vacation

Bible study and had a good time.

And I went back the next day 'cause
I was having such a good time.

And, so that next Sunday, I'm went to Bre.

I'm at breakfast and I'm sitting there
in my school clothes and my mother

says, what are you dressed up for?

Are we, why you're not going to school?

Summertime?

She, I said, I'm going to church,
I'm going to Sunday school.

And she said, really?

I said, yeah, I am.

And she goes, where'd
you find out about that?

I said, I've been playing
kickball and going to vacation

Bible school the last two days.

She goes, really?

She goes, aren't you
full of interesting news?

And, so yeah, that was my first
ex exposure to the church.

And, I enjoyed youth group
and things of that nature.

I felt connected.

I was very connected in, youth group
and, like 10 through age 12, early 13

to the point where, I actually got up in
church and spoke and, shared the gospel.

And, I don't, I would really
enjoy the path I was on.

And something happened, that
summer, I guess it was 1969 and

I, I found, the other part of the
world, I found, rock and roll.

I found all the, other
things that went with it.

And, I was off to the races.

I found it very attractive and,
it, I filled my life with that and

I I, as I say, I made a right turn
in Albuquerque and there I was, and

I stayed that place for a long time.

I always felt something inside of me
about, about, a spiritual, a spirituality.

but I couldn't, I wasn't intentional
about doing anything with a

relationship with God at that point.

Any exactly.

Almost all the way the
other side of the coin.

And, In high school, I was, I was
partying pretty hard, from ninth

grade on, alcohol, mostly drugs also.

I, it was just part of what I did.

the point was I was really still
really pretty good in my studies.

'cause I, I was, I guess I wasn't
smart enough to know that if I kept

my grades up, everybody left me alone.

And, and so I, I was an outstanding
student, but I was playing

very hard and I was, I had an
entrepreneurial spirit as well.

And so I found out that I, if I
sold things, I could basically,

I could make money off of it
and, have my partying for free.

And, anyway, that entrepreneurial
spirit carried on into.

When I graduated high school, and I
think my graduation day was really

the first time I can look back and
say how I drank maybe a alcoholically.

at that point it was just more or less,
nothing crazy, but a constant, a constant

buzz, for about four years of my life.

And then, graduation day,
I took it to a new level.

parents had a wonderful party plan
for me, family, friends, everything.

And I, after graduation, I
didn't come home for two days.

I was off at a party.

And so I, what I found out was that
was my first real binge drinking.

And and I was off to the races and
that became a pattern in my life for.

Quite a while.

I could go for periods of time.

I was still doing dry goods, but I wasn't
drinking all that much, but when I did.

And, so that continued on,
into my, early twenties.

And, I got married for the first
time and we were both real young.

In fact, we, everybody told us we
were too young and they were right.

we just had to prove them wrong.

Bruce: Oh, were you?

Jesse: I was 22 and, she was 18.

Bruce: Mm-hmm.

Jesse: And, and, I was way
too, I was so immature.

we both were, but anyway, it
continued on into that as well.

And I still like to go out and hang out
with the boys and do my thing and play

sports and drink afterwards and, I, it
was not a, it was not a very spiritual

life, I'll just put it that way.

And, this continued.

I, we were blessed with a beautiful, baby.

she's now my, that beautiful
baby's now 41 years old.

wonderful young lady, married, just has
a wonderful, a wonder, wonderful life.

but at that time, shortly there, not long
after thereafter, a couple years after

we had her, we, it just got to a point
where we couldn't be married anymore.

And, I moved on and, that went
on for a little bit and I met a,

another person that I got involved
with and eventually married and.

That was a decision based on,
they, they partied like I did.

And that didn't work out well at all.

not well at all.

And that didn't last very long.

I was a, a child of, a child of a marriage
and my, my, my mother and dad who had

me, they were a product of divorce.

And then, my, my mother had, who
had remarried, divorced again, and

when I was like 21 and 22, just
about when I was getting married.

so I, I had this mindset, I was
not gonna be another statistic.

I was gonna make this work.

And, that was for all the wrong reasons.

it was nothing spiritual about it.

It was just, trying to say, I'm not
gonna be a statistic and prove I'm wrong,

just like I had to prove I'm wrong.

That about it was I was, we were too
young to be married and, we showed

them, that didn't work out well.

in the meantime, my drinking's escalating
my, I'm at the same time also though,

I'm being, I'm fairly successful at what
I'm doing in, in, in my business life.

I worked for the government, I worked
for, I was rising, up in the executive

level, in the postal service very quickly.

and, So it, from the outside looking
in, it looked like I, I was, everything

was okay, but, behind the curtains,
like the Wizard of Oz, it wasn't okay.

And, so lo and behold, I'm now
working in Washington DC and working

at headquarters and, I'm now raising
my second daughter by myself.

she's 18 months old, and so
I get my act together and I'm

doing, I'm being a single parent.

I'm working, I'm doing all these things.

so I really didn't have much time
to be out there ripping and running.

but when I, but when I did,
I still, it was to excess.

And, but that carried on for a
little while and till I, I'm divorced

at this time for a second time.

so they, you talk about the wreckage
of the past, and they say, the only

person I'm hurting when I'm out
there ripping and running is me.

far be it.

There's a lot of, there's a lot
of, collateral damage that goes

on with, living that lifestyle.

And, I meet this amazing, person.

I'm not looking, I'm not looking,
in fact, at this point in my

life, I'm saying, you know what?

I never again, and,

Bruce: You mean you're never
going to get married again?

Jesse: again, never done.

I tried it twice.

It didn't work.

And, so lo and behold, God does
have a sense of humor and, and

thank goodness for that because, he
brought my wife today into my life.

and, I used to take my
daughter to a restaurant in,

in Arlington and we met there.

And, and no, neither one of us
were looking for to get into

a relationship at that time.

and lo and behold, after dating, for a
little bit, I started to really understand

for the very first time in my life,
which I thought was one of the corniest

phrases I'd ever heard about, a soulmate.

and I said, I think I've found what
that means, and she's my best friend.

And, and we've, we established a
wonderful relationship, not only

in love, but friends, and, and, and
lo and behold, we got married, nine

months after meeting each other.

We just knew.

we need, we were destined to, meant
for each other, without a doubt.

and that's true to this day.

we know that with all the things
that had happened previously in

her life and in my life, for God to
have brought us together had to have

been something, only he could do.

And but,

Bruce: let me ask you, how
old was your daughter when

you were raising at the time?

Jesse: when we got married,

she was, almo two going on three now.

almost three.

Bruce: Did your soulmate
come with any kids?

Jesse: No,

Bruce: Okay.

Jesse: no.

In fact, after raising my young,
my youngest by myself for a while,

we were one on one of our dates.

and what the interesting part
was, we were on one of our dates.

And we were getting serious at this time.

And, she remembers it one way, and I
remember it another way, but the long

short, the longest short of it was
we were both saying the same thing.

I, I realized in raising my daughter
by myself that I really didn't have

any more gas in the tank to have
any more children to raise them.

I knew I had what I had
for my two daughters.

One an older daughter, 11 years
older than my youngest now.

And, my youngest and and my
oldest was growing up with her

mother in Ocean City, New Jersey.

And, a man that she, married and,
and here I am in Washington, DC and

I was nervous because my, my, my
soulmate Camille, the love of my life.

is, 13 years my junior.

So I'm, I'm at that time, 41 going on 42.

She's 28, and I'm thinking she
might want to have children.

And, so I said, I just need to let you
know, and I think she said the same thing.

I just need to let you know, she had,
she said, I'd love your children.

I'd help you raise your children.

I have no desire to have children.

And it was like we both went,

all right, we're good.

We're good to go.

we're both on the same page.

and, so that was a good thing.

we were on the same page from the get go.

And, and we love each other dearly and,
we started a beautiful life together.

And, I get, my career is soaring at,
where I was with, at headquarters,

at the postal service, and.

All these things are going
on, and, but I'm still having

these, this, when I played hard.

I was a good provider.

I was, a loving husband in many ways.

and, but at the same time, my,
my wife would say, that 98% of

our marriage was off the hook.

Amazing.

Just wonderful.

but she said the other 2% was
gonna kill us, and kill it.

And that was my drinking.

And I don't know how many promises
I'd made, countless promises I'd

made, and I'll never do this again.

And I honestly, I know to this day, if
I'd have taken a polygraph, I would've

passed it because I honestly meant it.

I honestly meant it.

I had, I saw the hurt in her eyes and
I, the pain it was causing her and.

And, and she said, why did you do it?

I said, and the honest answer
I had is, I don't know.

I don't know.

It just

Bruce: were you like still a
binge drinker or was it daily?

How,

Jesse: Yeah.

I was a binge.

I always was a binge drinker.

I never became a daily drinker.

but when I binged, I could be
gone for 24 or 48 hours, and,

that's not good on a marriage.

And, it worried the dickens out of her.

And, and which brought me to, we,
at this point in our life, we've,

we live in a northern Virginia.

We've, we've, there's now a beach
condo at Ocean City, Maryland.

And we're going back and forth and,
and we come to Memorial Day, at 2011.

The Friday before Memorial Day and,
we're at the beach and, I decided to

go out for a happy hour and which was,
ended up three hours and, come back.

I, the rest is what I share is
what my wife tells me afterwards.

'cause I was mo I was in a blackout.

I said some of the most

horrible things a person can say
to the one he loves the most.

And we know how to hurt our loved
ones, especially 'cause we know

exactly what their buttons are.

and, and I went back out the door
again and I rolled in, who knows,

one, two o'clock in the morning.

and, and I just saw this look in her
eyes, laid in bed and saw this look in her

eyes that it just broke me on the inside.

I didn't see anger, I didn't see fear.

I didn't see, I saw
blank, a blank emotion.

And this is this woman with this beautiful
fire in her and beautiful spirit in her.

And I said, what have I done?

And, that was my moment where I
was just, I was staring into the

darkness in the dark of the night.

and the just wondering,
what do I need to do?

I can't.

I gotta stop her pain.

I gotta stop what my pain, I
don't know how not to do this.

I end up on the balcony, which overlooks
the ocean, beautiful view, and it's the

early morning hours and I'm on my hands
and knees, basically just pleading and

sobbing to a God I really did not have
an, a direct relationship with anymore.

Asking him please to gimme the
strength and the courage to jump,

take, walk over the rail and jump.

We lived 14 floors up.

And, I thought I ending it all
would end it all for me and for her.

and, thank God.

Thank God I, I can look back now and know
I had a spiritual moment and, and I'd

been in the rooms of AA before, in 2007.

I thought I was sick and tired of
being sick and tired, and I went to aa.

and, I look back now and I was
probably doing AA light and I never

put away the reservation that one day
someday I could drink safely again.

and as my program got lighter, I'm out
to lunch one time with my sponsor, and

of course, he feeds, puts it out there.

Well, maybe not an alcoholic, you
know, maybe you can drink safely.

I don't know, maybe, Dr.

Try control drinking.

I go home, I tell my wife.

Hey, my, my sponsor doesn't think I'm
an alcoholic, And, she'll, maybe you

can have a glass of wine with dinner
and there's something like that.

And I'm be like, yeah, but
that's not how I drink.

that just pisses me off.

And, she'll never say that to this day.

In fact, she tells me if there's
ever anybody out there whose

spouse says, you're good.

Now, you could probably have
a, you haven't drank in six

months, a year or two years.

you could probably have
a cocktail with me.

She's, you just send them to me and
I'll tell them, I'll tell 'em exactly

what that outcome's gonna look like.

And, I've never done that, but it's in
the tool chest if I ever need it, the, The

fact of the matter is that, I know I had
a spiritual moment, a god moment, right

there on that balcony, I get, I walk into
the rooms of AA at Ocean City, Maryland.

I get there an hour early.

I'm the only one there
except for this old timer.

got nose to nose with me and said, boy,
you gotta get honest with yourself.

Had me read the first three paragraphs,
chapter three in the big book of aa.

they're reading it out loud,
snot flying, all upset.

And, but I felt a weight lifted
off of me that, I could remove

the thought that one day, someday
I could sit, drink safely again.

It had been smashed and it felt a weight
come off of me, and I know then that

was a spiritual moment looking back.

And I jumped head first
into the program of aa.

I got back to Northern Virginia
where there was a, I got sober

with a very crusty bunch of men
in a very, in a closed group of.

Men's only group of Alcoholics Anonymous
that, they literally took the gloves off.

It was, tough love.

It was exactly what I needed.

the con the conversation
was very colorful.

I'll just leave it at that.

God was spoken in that room and so
a lot of other four letter words.

but, at the same time, the passion
for recovery was, I'd never

witnessed anything like that.

these are guys that would go to hell
and back with a thimble full of water

to save someone if they wanted to help.

but they weren't going to do it for you.

and that's, that, that saved my life.

And, very early on, I, my, my
sponsor asked if I believed.

and I said, I think I do.

He says, could you believe it?

I believe this will, this program
will work and I have a higher power.

I said, absolutely.

I said, I know there's
something out there.

I just, I hadn't had a connection
with it in a long time.

And, he got me started and for a
while, the group was my higher power.

And, but very early on he was, he had
me drink from the fire hose with this

regards to welcom me through the steps.

And, we were quickly at step
three and he said, you're gonna

need something far bigger.

And, he introduced me to a
bunch of guys that, outside

the rooms, did a Bible study.

And, I got plugged in with him and
that was, began my journey of really

falling in love with the Lord again.

And after a lot of questions and,
and walking through that, I'd met

another person down at the beach.

there's a big convention that's here,
but it's going on for 60 years, an AA

convention called Sessions by the Sea.

And it's like 3 3500 people that come to
this thing on every week after Labor Day.

And, it's huge.

And I met him there and,
also a pastor, in recovery.

and we got to know each other.

We got to, he got to be
my spiritual sponsor.

And, he answered a lot
of questions for me.

And lo and behold, a year later, we're
walking on the beach during sessions I

said, I don't have any more questions.

I said, I, what do I do next?

He says, have he accepted the
Lord as your, have you accepted

Christ as your Lord and Savior?

And I said, I haven't
said those words out loud.

And I, he said, do you,
I said, absolutely.

And so we.

Dropped to our knees right there, and
we did it right there on the beach.

And, and, I was on fire.

I wanted to tell everybody what that
felt like and where they could find it.

And almost to the point, even in
the rooms of aa, I was a little

over the top and, I got told.

So this is a spiritual program and,

Bruce: let me interrupt you
here before we get too far.

So you, your, this guy was this
guy your sponsor or just the pastor

that you met at this other group.

Jesse: he was my, he was
not my sponsor in aa.

He was my spirit.

I called him my spiritual sponsor.

Bruce: Okay.

Jesse: and to today
though, he is my sponsor.

Bruce: Okay.

Jesse: Yeah,

Bruce: when you said there, there
was a feeling, when you said these

words that you received Jesus as your
Lord and Savior, you said there was a

particular feeling associated with that.

What can you describe that?

Jesse: I just, this, this just
something that wanted to burst out

of me that just wanted to proclaim
to everyone what that felt like.

this undeniable thirst for more and
that wanting to be closer to God.

And two, that I, for the longest
time in my life, I'd, searched for

a father figure because the man
that raised me loved me dearly.

But he was, he's, he wasn't a strong
father figure in what I needed.

'cause I played sports and
a lot of stuff, and he just

wasn't there, that role with me.

And so all across my life, I'd always
been searching for a father figure.

And I found that when I was reading
Romans, I said I had Abba, I had my daddy.

And and I never, ever had to search again
for another father figure in my life.

I had the most beautiful, wonderful,
amazing father in heaven, and he loved me.

And, and the world needed to know that.

Bruce: Yeah.

Jesse: And, so yeah, there I am on
fire for GE with Jesus and in my

heart, in the rooms of AA and, I got
very kindly and sweetly told, to,

I can share about my higher power.

I can share that I call him
God, but I wasn't there to

save souls in the rooms of aa.

anybody that wanted to ask me
a question about it after the

meeting was more than welcome to.

And so I got better at
knowing how to share.

I.

My love for Jesus in a way that it
was attractive in the rooms of aa.

And it, and what happened was, it just, I
realized my mission was just to get them

pointed to where, what I got pointed to.

And so I got them pointed to where a Bible
study or to a appointed to a going to

check to a message out at a local church.

and, and so I knew that God had something
bigger and better in store for me.

That I'm, I knew at that point that
I was, there was something in me that

said, I'm supposed to be something,
doing something different in my

life, that, that is to serve him.

And I had an opportunity at the, to go
to, Calvary Chapel Bible Institute, which

is a, a seminary out of, out of, Calvary
Chapel and, a two year, seminary in,

Bruce: Was that in California?

Jesse: It's outta California,
but we, I attended a Calver

Chapel in Leesburg, Virginia,

and they had a campus there
that I could take the, I could

do the course, and I did.

And at first I went and I was
so thirsty for knowledge and

thirsty to grow in the Lord.

And I had no idea where
this was gonna take me.

And I said, I'm just gonna start it out.

I don't know where this is gonna go.

And I finished, I graduated and I still
didn't know where this was gonna take me.

and I, along the line, I'd had a
mentor there that was mentoring

me and coming next to me and
alongside of me and, helping me.

and, and he had a small
church out in Winchester.

And, and so I came alongside him and I.

I started, I, when I came out in my
business world, I was a very strong

executive, in helping leadership grow
and do what they needed to do better.

And so I envisioned myself as like a
second for a pastor that could help.

I, 'cause I didn't believe in my
heart I would, I didn't have a 30

year theological background to me.

So I po I couldn't teach or preach.

that just was, I didn't
think I could do that.

And, he helped me understand differently.

and one morning I was on my way to my day
job and I was going over a mountaintop

in Winchester, out leaving Winchester
coming down into Northern Virginia.

And, as the sunlight burst through my
windshield, I just got this because

I'd constantly be telling God, I
think this is what I'd be good at.

I think this is what I like.

I was giving him my resume and.

And basically the, you know what
the message that came to me was,

why do you keep telling me what you
think you can or cannot do with me?

And through me, you can do anything.

Trust, trust me.

Stick to the script.

You can't go wrong.

And I went, okay.

that was one of the pon things
my sponsor beat into me early on.

He said, Bruce, stop asking
why, and just say, okay.

And so I said, okay.

And, from that point forward, I,
I was willing to be led and to be,

to be obedient in whatever that
next thing was in serving the Lord.

And I realized then I received my
calling, to serve him all the rest

of the days of my life, whatever
that was, wherever that was.

and my mentor gave me a prayer
whenever, wherever, whatever,

to be willing to serve him.

And it, I.

and be careful when you pray that
'cause it's gonna take you places.

And, it brought me to living
at the beach down here.

I thought my calling was to
o to do a church plant down

here in Ocean City, Maryland.

And then I realized that, maybe it
was come alongside a, an a, a pastor

down here, a church down here,
and be a part, just be a part of.

And then I had an opportunity to come to
Fernandina Beach and we were down there,

and we fell in love with Fernandina, my
wife and I, and we ended up moving there.

And I was, one of the things that helped
me move there is I, there was a church

down there that asked me to come down
and help do recovery ministry down there

and, and paid on it went down and when
it came back again, they circled back.

They said, we're really praying
on this and we really think

he'd be right person at home.

Really nurture and get this started.

Okay, I'm gonna pray on this some more.

And

lo and behold, one thing led to
another and we were off to the races.

I said to my wife, I think this
is what we're supposed to do.

And she said, let's go.

And that's one of the things my wife has
been incredibly supportive of, when I

truly believe that the calling is, this is
what we're, this is the next thing we're

supposed to do or I'm supposed to do.

She said, okay, let's go.

Yeah.

And that's huge.

that's not easy.

And in fact, it's very hard, just
picking up and going and, and it took

me down there for five plus years, but I
always stayed in contact with the church

up here, ocean City, Baptist Church.

And I was always still connected
to the men's group up here.

In fact, before Zoom I would, on Friday
mornings, I'd be part of a Bible study.

And they were so patient because,
they'd put me on a speakerphone.

And I, that's, that can be
so annoying to the group.

Everybody else is there except
me and I'm on the speakerphone.

And, but they were very patient and loving
and, and then something moved us to say,

let's get a place back up there again
and just come up for four months during

the summer, may through September maybe.

And, and we got really reconnected
again with the church and I got

really reconnected into the men's
ministry and being a part of

serving some other ministries there.

And, it felt right.

It just felt so right.

And, but we went back to Florida
at the end of September and but

it just, and when I left the
pastor there said, boy, he says.

if you ever come back, he said, I'd
really, I think God has plans for you

here, with regards to men's ministry.

He said, just pray on that.

Keep that on your heart.

And we did.

And I prayed on it and prayed on it.

And, lo and behold, it was right after
the new year and, and we were talking

some more like this pastor and I, and
my wife and I were talking about it.

And, I have a realtor friend, a young man
and his wife were just loved the Lord.

and he'd helped us with selling
a couple properties down there.

and we'd already had, and we
did a business down there too.

My wife and I, Aloha Bagel and Deli
and we hired people in recovery

and people who loved the Lord.

And it was just an amazing place to work.

and we had such fun doing it.

And, and, but we realized also that.

We were, they were there
for a season and a reason.

And then we, and we ended up selling
that business to a gentleman friend

that I met and the in church.

And, and, we had a great connection
and it was just the next great

thing to do for him and for us.

And, that worked as, worked
out wonderfully for everyone.

but lo and behold, this real estate friend
of mine said, if I think you, you could

really do well in selling your home.

and I said, I don't
think we could do that.

And he said, let's put it at a
price tag that we think is beyond.

He says, if you're really being called
to go back, God's gonna make a way.

And, 'cause I couldn't keep both places
forever and, financially, and so I.

He said, let's put it, let's
put that, put a number on it.

That is a stupid number that
No, he said, you, it can't

happen unless God's behind it.

And, I said, okay.

So we got ready, they got a
listing and a show and ready to

go on the market and they had
some showings lined up right away.

and, the market goes live, it's official.

And we had three dogs and us.

So we get the dogs out for
the day, us out for the day.

And, he calls me back at
four o'clock that afternoon.

And I said, so what's the verdict here?

He said, he said, we have
three contracts on your house.

All well above the asking price.

I'm here.

I said we put it at a number that you
said was far beyond what we should ask.

He says, yep.

He says, And you're telling me
we have three contracts that

are far beyond what we asked.

Yep.

I said, how do you explain that?

And he says, God wants you to get going.

Yeah.

when God wants you to get
going, he gets you going.

So in short order, and also how
he orchestrated it was I said, we

can't move until the end of May.

And here this was in February and People
allowed us to rent back for, rent free

till the middle of May.

That was also part of their offer.

wow.

Apparently they couldn't
get there till then either.

Bruce: Ah.

Jesse: it wasn't always, it wasn't just
the fact it helped us, it helped them too.

But rent free, come on.

we made it back up here at Ocean City
and, he firmly planted me in that

ministry there, the men's ministry.

And we got going with a few different
small groups and we had one that was,

it really was about being, trying to
do the book of Acts and we broke bread

together each week and we fellowship
together and then we studied together and.

we started off with four guys.

me being one of them
and it's a small church.

we have about 150 people
in our church total.

And, the summertime it gets really big
because we have a lot of vacationers

and things of that nature here.

But, when I say real big, it means it's
filled both services, to about 200 people.

But, the, that men's group, just
started, God just was just, the

Holy Spirit was all over it.

and it just, the word of mouth got to
other guys and it got to other churches

in the area where men were looking
for a men's group that was like that.

'cause we did relate, we talked
about real life in that men's group.

We talked about the stuff that men
need to talk about in that men's group.

the stuff that Bible says we need
to talk about in that men's group.

And what was said in that men's
group, stayed in that men's

group and it does to this day.

And of course, doing the, the food
and fellowship to start out with,

men feed 'em when they will come.

it didn't, that didn't hurt either.

But, we have men from different
Christian denominations and our

Catholic Presbyterian Methodist
all come to the Ocean City Baptist

Men's Group on Wednesday night.

We have guys that come from Salisbury,
Maryland, 35, 40 minute drive

away, group that comes from there.

We're now up to around, between 30 and
40 guys on a, any given, and and we

tell guys, look, if just 'cause you
can't make it one night, because a lot

of times people feel that guilt trip.

If I can't make it every night, I.

I can't make it at all.

And I say, no, we know how life gets.

You have families, you
have the things I said.

The point is we try to make it as often
as we can and we hold it every week.

And, and on any given night, we
have at least 25 to 30 guys there.

when we have different functions
and stuff, we'll have, we did a

short, a men's night out at the
local minor league baseball game.

We had 60 guys there.

it's just, we had a retreat where we went
away for, three days, a spiritual retreat.

We had 40 guys there.

it's just, it's the way the Lord is
working and the Holy Spirit's moving in.

That group is amazing and awesome.

its,

Bruce: is the group based
on recovery or is it.

Jesse: oh no.

Oh, no.

it's a men's Bible study and we not only
do Bible studies, but we do, spiritual

books, like Keller's, Shepherd's View,
the 23rd Psalm, and, and, the master

plan evangelism and all different
types of books that, that lend them.

So we'll mix a book in with the
Bible study, and right now we're

for the summer, our study through,
the book of the Gospel of John.

And, and we take our time walking
through that and we break it down

and we talk about how, not only how
it was relevant then, but what does

that look like in application today.

And, we get some really
great conversations going

on that just blow me away.

And and I walk away from that
each night going, wow, God.

just, you know how he's, he
blesses me and teaches me, and

these, I'm supposed to be the one
facilitating it and leading it, but.

I'm the one feeling blessed,

Bruce: Yeah.

Jesse: And, and he's just doing amazing
things in his life and this world and

in this town and in these men and, and
I that I'm, I feel privileged that,

the church leadership, the pastor
and entrust with me this ministry

and, a guy that, 15 years ago was an
alcoholic, ready to commit suicide.

Bruce: Mm-hmm.

Jesse: I, I'm not that same man today.

Bruce: And it sounds like he's
pretty much led you the whole way.

even without you knowing
he was leading you.

Jesse: oh, absolutely.

No, I can look back now.

And I can see him in every aspect
of my life, every place I went.

what I didn't share was, my very first
DUI, when I was 27 years old, and I

probably could have had, and I say first
it wasn't my last, I probably could have

had over 300, but I, I don't know if
people on the podcast don't know what I'm

talking about, but there's a very heavily
traveled highway up in Pennsylvania

called the Pennsylvania Turnpike.

And, I had a head on, I was driving
the wrong way on the Pennsylvania

turnpike in a blackout, had a
head on collision with a tractor

trailer, and I walked away from that.

And, the, everybody walked away from that.

And, at the time I thought I was lucky.

And I know far differently today that
I'm here because God went with it,

Bruce: Hmm.

Jesse: period.

Bruce: Wow.

Jesse: And now I know that.

I'm on his time more than I've
always been on his time, but I now

know more than ever I'm on his time.

Bruce: Yeah.

Jesse: And everything that
is in my world is his.

my wife and I talk about it, the home we
live in, it's his, the furniture we have.

It's his, the food on our table.

It's his, the clothes on our back,
it's his, we just get to take care

of it and share it with others,

Bruce: That's awesome.

Jesse: today we get to live
a life that's, it's not

extravagant, but it's comfortable.

It's a life.

We have everything we need.

We have

a life that we get to, be, hopefully
lantern's carrying his light.

Bruce: Hmm.

Jesse: oh.

recently our chief church leadership
decided to, expand and go into

a biblical, team of elders, an
elder, eldership of plurality.

and they asked me if they said,
they named me and asked me would

I be an eldership, be an elder
for the discipleship ministries?

And I was like, blown away.

absolutely, yes, but I'm gonna
need a lot of prayer on that.

And they said, oh yeah.

And and, and I'm praying on that
daily and what that is and what that

isn't, and learning what, where my
swim lane is and what it isn't, and,

how do I do that effectively and.

Always, it's about God and
it's about the church and it's

about flock and it's his flock.

And, and we have a team that
of elders that all believe that

same mission and that vision.

And, even though we're,
new as a team, we know that

it's all about God.

It's all about what our church is already
doing and how can we do it better.

This little church has a mercy
ministry that reaches the homeless.

So it has an international ministry
that reaches all the international

students that come here and work during
the summer from all over the world.

They serve three to 400 meals every Monday
night home cooked meals to the, to them.

And we get to chat with
them and talk with them.

and we, I.

We get to do all these different things
in our community, this little tiny church.

Bruce: Wow.

Jesse: And, and we, we know
that's God working on us.

our what's in our church.

It says, our mission is to love God,
love others, serve God, serve others.

Bruce: Yeah.

Jesse: and when we walk out the
door of our church, it says, you're

now entering the mission field.

And we have a church that
lives it out on a daily basis.

And that's my charge each day is
how do I live it out each day?

How do I live it out?

What do my actions?

I pray each day that my thoughts,
my actions, my words, my

behaviors demonstrate God working
in me, on me, and through me.

do I do it perfectly?

Oh, absolutely.

no.

I say I'm a sinner saved by grace.

I am, that's all.

We are sinners saved by
grace, grace and mercy.

I'll take that all day long.

will I ever be sinless?

No.

Do I pray each and every
day that I sin less.

Yes.

I'm a work in progress.

I have to surrender every day.

I surrender.

And when people ask me to lead a an AA
meeting, the, my topic's always surrender.

Bruce: Yeah.

Jesse: every, it's daily surrender.

my sponsor p pointed out to me
early on about one of the sayings

there that there really is no cure.

All we have is a daily reprieve
contingent upon the maintenance

of our spiritual condition.

He said, they're not
talking about the drink.

He said they're talking
about the bondage of self.

And every darn day we wake
up under the bondage of self.

When we put our feet on the floor,
we're on under the bondage itself.

He says, every darn day, laying next
to the bed is this tug of war rope.

Your self will, his will.

And, every darn day we're
gonna pick that rope up.

Right up.

He says, our hands might be bloody and
blistered from tugging on that rope.

He said, but every darn day we're gonna
pick up that rope sometime during the day.

He says, what we get better at
doing is dropping it quicker.

Bruce: yeah,

Jesse: And, that's a visual I
needed and I still use to this day.

I run to the third step
prayer all day long.

that mentor of mine in, at Calvary
Chapel Bible Institute, I, I showed

him that third step prayer in aa and
he looked at that and he broke it down.

He says, that might be the best
sinners prayer I've ever seen

and.

I said, it is,

Bruce: I offer myself to
do with me as thou wilt

Jesse: yep.

Believe me, to the bondage of
self, that I may better do that.

I will.

Bruce: Yeah.

Paul talks about that.

don't go, don't.

Fall into bondage again.

once we've been set free.

Jesse: and it's always out there
waiting for us, And, we are surrounded

by the things of this world.

Bruce: Yeah.

Jesse: today I'm, I've,
I'm less distracted by it.

I try to keep my focus in the word.

I try to start out my day in the word.

I try to be very intentional
about my quiet time with God.

I need that.

I need the full armor of God every day.

we can't walk out on that
battlefield alone either.

We need our brothers and
sisters in Christ around us.

just like we need the program
of aa, we need our brothers and

sisters in recovery around us.

I get drunk, we stay sober.

I need, member brothers that are my
accountability partners in life in Christ.

I need all of it, but at the center of
it is God and, and my love and my passion

for, sharing about the love of Jesus.

Bruce: Yeah.

Jesse: I thought it was, I so amazing.

And in the book of a book of
John, when, not everybody knows.

John three 16, for God so loved the
world that he gave as a only forgotten

son, I had to reread that so many
times that, here's God who spoke and

breathed creation into existence.

Put the stars in the sky,
named every one of them.

So powerful that he could do that,
that how big is his love to begin with?

But he thought it was important to put
the word so in front of love, that God so

loved the world that he gave us his son.

And, today I just try to remember that,
my, my mentor, he's, he played these like

kinda little spiritual games with me.

Like we'd be out to lunch,
he says, so today, now you've

been, doing this for a while.

And so where do you think you
are on a scale of one to 10 and

your spiritual walk with Jesus?

And I, I'm here like,
ah, I know I'm not a 10.

maybe I'm not a one, maybe I'm a
six or a seven, and he'd say, Nope.

I said, what do you think I am?

I'm thinking, oh boy,
what am I like A three?

And he goes, you're a 10.

I'm here.

What?

He goes, God sees you
through the blood of Jesus.

You're a 10.

Bruce: Hmm.

Jesse: And he said, now act like a 10.

and that's my job today, is that
I'm responsible for how I, what

I think my actions, my words.

I just, that's why I preach and every
day that my thoughts, my actions, my

words, my behaviors demonstrate his
love, and at the end of the night I say,

God, I hope I did so and where I didn't.

I pray I can be better at it tomorrow.

Bruce: Hmm.

Jesse: And, forgive me.

And he says, I love you.

And, like I said, do I do it perfectly?

No.

I.

I try a little bit each.

I try to be a little bit better
at it each day, knowing that it's

not my works, it's his grace.

my works are just simply an outcome.

My desire to serve him and my works
are just a byproduct and outcome of

trusting in his love and his grace

and saying thank you.

Bruce: awesome.

you just described, this identity, having
our identity in Christ that, it's no

longer we who live, but he lives in us.

And I, I've heard that a thousand
times and I've read it of course,

and I've thought about it, but.

the reality is that, he became sin for me
so that I could have his righteousness.

and it's so hard for us humans to grasp
that because we, I love what your guys,

your, mentors said about your A 10.

Because, our little egos don't want
to say, don't want to talk that

way because, we're not good enough.

But Jesus is the one that made us good.

He's the one that made us righteous.

So to reject his free gift of salvation
and this free gift of, this relationship

is to just identify with him.

I think that's what he wants.

He wants us to be his hands and
feet and to speak his words.

And like he said, he.

he only says what he hears His father
say, he only does what he sees his father

do, and that's the model is to follow
him, do what he says, and quit trying to

quantify, our relationship and just be,

Jesse: Just be,

Bruce: just abide.

Jesse: And, I love that word
abide to, to win, to be d, to

dwell in, to, to be in dwelled.

And, today, I, I said it.

I run to Jesus.

I today, I know that, part of
my prayers at night are, or

even during the day, is, confe.

if there's something I've said or done
or acted how I acted, in the Lord's

prayer it says, Albi thy named, thy will
be done on earth as it is in heaven.

Not after I get to heaven what it's gonna
be like, but I'm supposed to be acting

it out on earth as it is in heaven.

Bruce: Mm

Jesse: it says to forgive us
our trespasses as we forgive

those who trespass against us.

And and to lo and the my to love
thy neighbor, my, my neighbor.

My neighbor is whoever's
next to me in the moment.

It's not the person who lives
next door to me in my house.

My neighbor is whoever is
next to me in the moment.

The person in the food line, the person
in the person next to me on the highway.

there's a trying moment there for my
spirituality, out there on the highways,

but, I know I've given my life to Jesus.

I know that what that looks like today,
I know what that feels like today.

the rest is between now when I leave
this mortal Earth is the sanctification.

Bruce: Yeah.

Jesse: and that's, that's gonna be
a constant, evolving, process and,

knowing I'll always fall short,
but striving towards what his

image is and what that looks like.

I, they talk about Paul and he
always has this thorn in his side.

I believe that's, it's deliberately left
out what that was, or there's a lot of

speculation of what it could have been.

Was it really truly a physical, ailment?

was it maybe one of, was this thorn, maybe
a particular sin that he struggled with?

there's all sorts of, I think it's
left in a way that, so that we

can, any one of us can identify in

to that thorn.

and, and so I think we're given
all these wonderful places

in the Bible, to relate in.

And I think, we did a study in one of
our other Bible studies on Genesis.

It took a whole year to go through
Genesis and, and ever since the

beginning, ever since Adam and Eve.

The Bible tells us a whole bunch of
different stories through the Old

Testament into the New Testament, and
the story's the same with regards to sin.

It's always been since Adam and
Eve in the Garden, the story

of choices and consequences.

Bruce: Hmm.

Jesse: we've been given this thing
called free will and Ima, I know

our God in our Father, God in
heaven, he has a sense of humor.

He does.

I know there's probably times he's
looking down saying, isn't that free?

Will a son of a gun?

and, he's right.

And but he wants us to make right
choices and he just, he allows us

though to do, make those choices and.

Like a good old alcoholic.

My, sponsor told me, he says,
we have the willingness to

change at the speed of pain.

I think that's true for Christians
and for anybody that's doing

their walk with the Lord.

we have the willingness to change at the
speed of pain, but today we've been given

this God conscience and, the pain, the
threshold is a lot lower than it was when

we were out there ripping and running.

we could glaze over anything, and it
was, we could get by it, but today,

even the littlest speed bump bothers
us, and that's a beautiful thing.

Bruce: it is, Bruce, thank you so
much for taking the time to do this.

I, we are running outta time.

I wanted to ask you, what, if you have
one little bit of advice you could

throw out there for somebody that may
be in, 10, 20 to a hundred years from

now here in this podcast, that, what
bit of wisdom could you take from your

experience that you could pass on?

To somebody that may need be.

The Lord is probably gonna
lead him here to hear it.

Jesse: So my topic is
always surrender daily.

today, to this day, I sur I,
I need to surrender daily,

take up my cross and follow.

and it, different days looks like
different things, but it's still that

gi, that willingness to surrender that.

To say thank you at the end of the day
and to draw close to the Lord and the,

and to we need the full armor of God.

and where we find that full
armor of God is in the word.

And and we, it's not a,
it's persistent prayer.

I love the widow story
about persistent prayer.

we can't wear 'em out.

We can't wear 'em out.

And, and to be, just to be willing
to be a lantern, to carry his light.

it's not much to ask.

He doesn't ask, he doesn't ask much of us.

Bruce: Well, thank you so much.

That is, awesome.

Would you pray for our listeners

Jesse: Absolutely . Heaven.

Father, I'm so blessed that we get
to have a conversation like this

and to be recorded and to be shared.

And heaven.

Father, we, we are blessed that we
live in a country, in a time that

we are allowed to do this Lord,
and, and not be persecuted Lord.

there are those that, that can't do this.

and, without the fear of persecution.

Lord, I pray, Lord, that you, as you
bless us and each and every moment of

our existence, Lord, when we surrender
to you, Lord, that we just find that,

that comfort, that inner peace, common
comfort that can only come from you and

we draw close to that, on a daily basis.

Lord, I pray, Lord, from the listeners,
Lord, that I pray that there is something

that they found that, that, that fell
on the ears that needed to hear what

exactly what they needed to hear.

Whether it be something that nourished,
something that, That, that lit a fire or,

for me, a lot of times I hear what I hear
and it serves to prune, it serves to, to

cut back on me, and it stings a bit, Lord.

And, I, I grow at the speed of pain and
I know that many others do too, Lord, and

I pray, Lord, that as we thank you for
your blessing of the, of your son, and,

we, we just are so blessed to that you so
loved us and you still so love us Lord.

And I thank you for Jesse and
his heart and what you've given

him as a calling Lord, to do this
and, what a blessing he is to me.

And I pray this in your
holy and wonderful name.

Amen.

Bruce: Amen.

Thank you, Bruce.

Jesse: Love you brother.

Cailin: We hope you've been
blessed by today's story.

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It may encourage them to tell their story.

That person may even be you.

Our only criteria is
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Most Christians don't share their
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their story is not interesting enough.

Or that it's self-centered to talk
about themselves or that they are

not competent to explain the gospel
correctly, but none of that is relevant.

If Jesus has changed your
life, you have a story to tell.

All of our stories are completely unique.

No one has a story like yours, and you
may be the only one who can reach someone

else through telling your experience.

So don't be intimidated.

A story is just that a true account
of your own experience, and no one

can disagree with your experience.

When we tell what Jesus has done in
our lives, we are being obedient to his

command to go into all the world and
preach the gospel to every creature.

It's not about theology and it's not
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It's all about Jesus.

So when you are ready to tell
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you can let Jesse know at his
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There you can download guidelines
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Thank you for listening today and shalom.